5 things you should do more when you have babies
Words of wisedom after having had 3 babies

When you have kids, you sometimes think “if I could turn back time, what would I change ? What would I do differently ? What would I do more ?”. Usually you ask yourself this question when your kids are annoying so much that you wonder where you messed up in their education.

We are getting closer to our birthday marathon, 5 birthdays in 5 weeks, with my littlest “baby” turning 2 years old. After 2 years old, they still change a lot. But it’s “big kid” changes : they can start preschool, they talk better (less people look at you like you understand this weird language only your child speaks), they become more independent, they get potty-trained, they switch beds…

Looking back, with my 8 years of experience (almost more than my experience in the “real” working world), there are things that I would have liked to enjoy more. Things I would have done slightly differently, or things I should have insisted on more.

1 – Dance more

My kids love music ! I noticed that it calms them, boosts their moral, same as for an adult. Adding dance parties with mom or dad only makes it better ! Our little impro dance sessions are moment my kids talk a lot about. You can do it at a very young age. It’s instinctive for little ones who are naturally drawn to rythms and sounds. Furthermore, dancing has a great deal of advantages such as physical development, coordination improvement or even use of their imagination or creativity.

2 – Let them eat more dirt

Yes I said it ! Me the pessimistic hypocondriac. I’ve always hovered over my kids, especially my first born, and the most boy of them (aka the only boy). Always checking that they weren’t touching the wrong thing outside or were not swallowing that little pebble on which the dog might have peed on 2.5 years ago !

Now, in hindsight, I believe I got worked up over nothing. Doing disgusting things like that would have delighted them and allowed them to understand that dirt is not that tasty, and that slugs are kind of cold on your tongue.

Also, it’s not because they didn’t eat that rock or drink a good mudpie that they did not get sick. Moreover, when you see what Mike Horn eats, your own yard or even the park looks like a nice supermarket with good natural produce.

3 – Don’t run before you can walk

I know they all want to run before they can walk, at our own despair. However, don’t help them do it.

For instance, I am not a person that does baby talk. I wouldn’t change that, that’s simply not who I am. If you can do it without feeling like a giant insane adult, go for it. I do however give them plenty of time to grow, follow their own rythms because all kids will get to where they are supposed to be. They will just arrive at different times (and based on my punctuality, they could arrive on a different day as well…).

I feel like we are all being rushed and forced into going faster. We all want to do better than others, have a kid who’s the youngest to walk, talk.

But I have to acknowledge that for what I thought were trivial issues I might have forced my child. For instance with Onedude’s pacifier : in my defence it seemed dangerous that he keep it as he was chewing it rather than sucking it. He threw it out himself but I don’t know in the end if he fully ended to say goodbye. I didn’t understand that the paci was his nervous outlet, a way for him to calm down.

4 – Ask for advice but don’t follow it (do what you feel like doing)

– Discuss your issues with other parents (added bonus : it will give you great relief to see that others are going through similar problems – unless you are talking with a super mom who never complains) : sure,

– listen to their stories : sure,

– ask for advice : yes (always better than receiving advice without even asking).

But after that…We all have our own stories, our own personnalities, and sometimes in one family what worked with one child will not work with his sibling. You have to be able to choose to not follow an advice, not give in to peer pressure. Except for the following advice (see what I did there)…

So, do what you feel like doing is an advice all parents should abide by, whatever the age (of the parent or the child). Nobody can claim to have all the answers. They have a solution, not THE solution.

An example : when I gave birth to my first child, at the hospital, I was given a million different pieces of advice on breastfeeding, on nights with a newborn, caring for one. I tried to apply each and every one, despite the fact that some of them seem contradictory in the same maternity ward. I’d get myself all worked up, stressed over silly little things. Same situation for when my son grew up. When my second child was born, I told myself that I was going to do everything the way I felt it. And with my third baby…I did like I could !

5 – Spend more time without your babies, guiltfree

It can be hard to leave your kids to someone else. However, when you would rather strangle your kids than dance with them, it is time to take a breather !

Everynoe need this “me time”. Just to breathe, be with yourself alone even for a mere hour. Learn to delegate. This is what you learn to do in the “real” working world, why can’t it apply to the parenting world ?

So, we freeze our guilty feelings and call a trustworthy person :

– grands-parents,

– friends who love your children as much as theirs (ou who don’t really care but owe you a favor),

– siblings (try the childless younger ones. They are usually our own kids’ favorites. It can also serve a useful purpose which is to show them what it looks like to have little monsters harassing you all day long. Like your siblings did to you growing up),

– neighbors,

– nanny,

– or, if you really have to, your in-laws !

And we go out !!

Of course, we eventually have to come back…

To sum everything up, being a parent is hard work. You do have to enjoy (try at least) every moment (cue the waterworks). So:

• enjoy your time with your kids,
• don’t overthink it,
• still have fun,
• do it according to how you feel,
• spend time with yourself and enjoy it.

How about you ? What would you have changed ?