Those unspeakable things some moms do...Ok I'll confess !- Annoyed Mama

Yes, I confess. It’s confession time !

As you probably understood, I am not a Super Mom, in my opinion.

I’m not a Perfect Mother either. We’ve all heard about her. For me, she is above the Super Mom. A mother who has no (apparent) flaws, who knows how to do everything. A mother who never breaks down, who never gets angry. A mother who loves her children so much that she would /will do everything for them. A mother who always puts her children first, or displays her family and professional success ostentatiously. A mother who is always available, who is so organized that it would scare an ant (only animal or insect that seems super organized to me). The model mother who succeeds brilliantly. A proud and dignified mother 24/7.

Yeah, it’s really not me either.

Far from that actually…

Ok, I admit it: I am a little secretive. I do bad things. Things that would make others blush, things that, in theory, we should not say because it’s frowned upon. I belong to this category that people try to deny: moms who do silly things, who need to scream ~~a lot~~ often, who sometimes act like (their) kids, or worse as teenagers! Those who try not to say bad words but can’t fuc**** do it. Those who are a walking paradox. Those who let go, who teach idiocies to their children and then complain because their kids do them. Those who will act selfishly, in hiding but not all the time. Or who will get caught and assure it’s not the same because they are “the mom and it’s like that”.

I know I am not the only one. And today, I decided to let everything come out !

I confess I act like a kid.

I confess I hate doing homework, and that I never want to do it. Sometimes I don’t mind when my son forgets to do it…

I confess I play like a kid with my children because always showing the example is boring. So yes, sometimes burps and farts will happen, and I will laugh with them. And by the way, it was me (*saying it like Jim Carrey in “Liar, Liar”*) who taught my son the “pull my finger” joke.

I confess that I long for my kids to be older so I can watch a lot of uneducational movies, or just a lot of Disney movies with them and play video games with them (and beat them because pretending to lose gets annoying pretty quickly) .

I confess I eat “funky” desserts (ice pops, chocolate mousse, tiny fruit yogurts ..) in secret from my children because I do not want to share. Or I said that they had to eat a fruit while I ate cookies, ice-cream and candy behind their backs.

I confess I am jealous when my “mom girlfriends” have other friends, or that they have “permission” to go out at night.

I confess I’ve watched wayyyy too many Disney Channel movies.

I confess I try to make healthy, organic meals, sometimes I even try gluten-free or vegan dishes…but my delicate palate finds it better and tastier at McDonald’s.

I confess I am a naughty girl.

I confess that when I go get my kids back from school I (discreetly) look for that sexy dad I spotted at the beginning of the year. And when I see him I am very happy I came to pick up the children.

I confess that sometimes I ask to go shopping alone because at least I will be able to chill a little without children or my husband.

I confess that I like to see other parents struggle with their children. I sympathize but it feels so good when I’m not the one struggling. It also reassures me to see that my children are not the only ones affected by a horrible temper.

I confess I have fantasized about divorcing so that I would only have my children with me every other week…but actually thinking about it, I think my husband would gladly let me have sole custody.

I confess I may have regifted a present that was intended for me or intended for my children that I did not like.

I confess to having heard my baby crying, turning the baby monitor off, and pretending to sleep so that her dad deign to get his butt out of bed and deal with the baby for once in his life.

I confess I am lazy.

I confess that when it’s my turn to make dinner, and that their father takes care of the children (which pretty much means he turns the TV on), I take my time to “cook” (when in fact it is true that heating frozen food doesn’t take that long) so as to check the important things happening on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter.

I confess having taken a day off from work to treat MYSELF! Leaving my children at school, the daycare, or the nanny’s. I don’t do anything. And I ~~usually~~ don’t feel guilty! Before being a mother, I was me, and sometimes being with me, myself and I alone doesn’t hurt.

I confess I did not clean and tidy the house today because I wanted to sit on the couch and make progress on Candy Crush.

I confess I ardently hate those moms who get their flat stomach back 3 weeks after having a baby. Meanwhile, for me, it’s been 2 years and I’m still 5 months pregnant apparently (and while I say that I am eating a piece of cake, and refusing to find time to work out).

I confess having exchanged a light bulb that went out on my nightstand with the one on my husband’s, because I did not want to have to go get one in the cellar.

I confess I buy salad, the “real” deal not the pre-washed one, to be like “yeah we so eat well”, and I throw it out 3 days later because I was too lazy to wash it.

I confess I am a mom but I don’t have a clue how it happened.

Well yes I know how I did it of course. I’m not stupid! But I often have to calculate my age, only to say to myself “OMG, my mother was not like this at my age!”.

I confess sometimes my children talk to me and I don’t listen. So I say “oh ok”, or “yes” hoping they’ll leave me alone.

I confess that sometimes, my kids annoy me so much that I want to pack my bag and flee! And yet when I’m finally out of the house and away from them I catch myself looking at pictures of them and only talking about them (I’m also a schizophrenic mom, ok?).

I confess that I do not understand my son’s teacher’s substraction lesson.

I confess I am a liar.

I confess I say things that I do not do. And, when I’m caught, I just deny it wholeheartedly.

I confess to having a strict policy on screen time, but sometimes I give in and I let them watch TV just so that I get a quiet time for a drink alone in my corner (and I drink coca-cola, not even wine, because I’m a kid) or just to boil water for pasta. Sometimes even I lower the stove so that it doesn’t boil too fast because I’m tired, and too bad for my 2 year-old little girl who will watch 3 episodes of “The PJ masks”.

I confess that, although I am in theory against spanking, sometimes my hand has a mind of its own.

I confess that the meal I served the other night was absolutely disgusting. However I preferred telling my children they were naughty when they refused to eat it. For the record: never boil buckwheat like pasta. It stinks and it tastes bad. Even my husband said “oh but what is that ?!” when he saw it.

I confess to having “heard a noise” to wake my husband who was snoring too much up.

I confess to having shouted at my children to pose for a picture on IG and then pretended it was natural.

I confess I am crazy.

I confess that sometimes, my children push me over the edge so much I become a real spycho. I yell so loud my throat is sore.

I confess having already hit a door or a wall to avoid smashing my child. I confess I already slammed a door so hard that a frame fell.

I confess to liking being invited somewhere but sincerely hating going.

I confess to having surrendered to my children’s demands to avoid ending in the “miscellaneous news” (even though I vehemently refused 10 times before). Questions regarding the coherence in my education method will be answered later on.

I confess that I go to bed way too late at night. And it’s only my fault because it’s usually the only quiet moment of my day and I want it to last forever.